No Longer Human Osamu Dazai

No Longer Human
| monologue|

[Screaming out as I become him]

I learned early that smiling is a language that asks nothing and promises nothing.

People called it kindness; I called it camouflage. Beneath it, my thoughts moved like animals afraid of light.

I memorised laughter the way one memorises a map to escape. Every gesture I made was correct, and therefore false.

To be human, they said, is to belong; I perfected the art of passing.

Inside, I was in a room with no furniture, only echoes rehearsing apologies to me.

Shame taught me philosophy before teachers ever could.

Love arrived as a question I answered too quickly and incorrectly.

When sincerity appeared, I mistook it for danger.

I wanted to confess, but language bent away from the truth in my mouth.

So I lived as a margin note, explaining nothing while watching every inch.

If this is humanity, I am the proof by absence. 

Nothing could give me happiness except death but even that rejected me. 

Nothing ever loved me as fear cause it never could live with me behind. Cause fear is in my veins.

Whoever told me to smile, I gave them an expression with my teeth open and lips wild. 

[A monologue written by Salsabil Nowssin by imagining Osamu dazais perception]

As I say, 
Become Brilliantly Numb!

• Me